you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
