you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
