Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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