I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
