wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize