We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
