I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
