I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
