I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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