I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
