Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
