you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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