how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
COCAINE IS GR8
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