no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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