i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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