Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize