I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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