there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
