I must be too annoying 4 u.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
