Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
