If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did we literally take a cab across the street
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
