So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just took my morning after pill in the library
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize