**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
