How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
