So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
