Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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