you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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