I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Randomize
