yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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