I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
