All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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