Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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