my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
