Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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