I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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