need another drink. this is the easiest way
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Of course I have a pirate flag
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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