Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
