your parents love me but you hate me
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
