No stitches, just platelets and will power
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
