SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
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