you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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