just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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