If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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