I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
