why didn't you poke me back
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
