His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
this hospital has no fireball
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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