he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
