Non-Jews are for practice
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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