ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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