Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I understand Curling. That high.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
