i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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