I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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