I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
