Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
