I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
