U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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