If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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