I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
