I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
