I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
