Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
