I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
People in love make me want to vomit
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
