It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
