Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
