no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He felt like a one man threesome
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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