you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Randomize
