pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He felt like a one man threesome
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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