Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
