i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
