Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize