Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize