wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
