she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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