Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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