Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
