I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
