I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
