8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
