Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
