hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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