You work out of a Hotel?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
